Double Sided

Each day I feel more unhappy with the way things are in my relationship. I feel like I have two of me inside one. At some moments I know for sure that this is what I want and that things are perfect. The other part of me is kicking and screaming. Begging for release. Is this just part of being young, showing me that I'm not ready for a more serious commitment then I have already made? Or is this the real side of me, wanted to get out?

Side One: He seems to want what I want and is willing to do those things in the time frame I set. He show's he can work hard and be a supporter so to speak. He challenges me mentally. Really gets me thinking of things and showing me that it's wonderful to have my own opinion but how to research things before establishing that opinion. This side of me wants to keep him, marry him, and have a family with this wonderful man.

Side Two: He's irratation with his habits. He's a slob, leaves cabnets open, gets pasta sause everwhere, attempts to clean but fails do to the lack of caring about the correct way to. He's so different from any other man when it comes to sexual things... and at this point I don't know if it's good or bad. He spends more time with the computer then with me and then comes to sit next to me when I'm watching tv or on the comp, or walks up to me when I'm cleaning and acts as if that's spending time with me. Why can't he just ask if I want to do something? Why can't he suggest us going somewhere or does he even want to go anywhere? Why doesn't he take me out on surprise dates or even just take me out to dinner in general! What happened to the guy who was trying to impress me. I know I've got him yet I try hard to impress him every day in order to try and keep that "spark" alive. Why is it that when I prance around all sexy that he doesn't get the hint and I have to practically beg for it! He never remembers anything and then when he claims to remember something he's always right yet I know he's not. I'm silly, fun and he's serious and acts like an old man. This side of me wants out so damn bad but feels trapped and afraid of the comments of the family; wants to be free to be me without any limitations and without being forced to be healthier by becoming a size 0. Yes, I feel unattractive to him.

I'm going crazy. Help!