Complete Honesty

For as long as I can remember the major thing that has been stressed over and over again and again is to be honest. I was always told that if I were to just tell the truth then the punishment wouldn't be as bad, or that people would like me more. "No one likes a liar" was heard so many times that it almost made you want to be a lair. It was a joke really... hypocrites they are. This world is filled with nothing but lies on top of more lies. So, for once I'm taking the advice that was given to me over and over again. This is my blog, starting now, of complete and utter honesty. I wont twist the truth, I wont even decorate it with lies to better my story. It is what it is. Real Life.

This morning I woke up wishing it was Sunday. I really didn't want to go to work and it wasn't just the fact that my job is no longer my job. I wasn't sick, nor was I really even filling all that bad. I got enough sleep and could have been up when my alarm went off at six. Though instead I just got up, pissed, and went back into my warm sheets. I didn't want to face the day. I'm beginning to dread getting up and living the same day over. It's like that movie 'Ground Hog Day'. Though instead of it really being the same day, the days actually go by. One after the other just cruising on by and laughing at my sad excuse for an existence. However, I need the money in order to stay alive. So, off to work I went.

I hate today, for no real reason. I just hate this day. It's not because it's Monday, or the fact that it's raining on and off. It's not due to the cold, nor to a bad day at work. Really, things are fine. I just have this feeling in my gut. This hatred for today. Yesterday was the same. Saturday was great though. I loved that day with all of myself. I thought of drinking... maybe buying cigarettes even though I don't smoke. However, I hate the smell of smoke and would really love to burn the skin of smokers with their own cigarettes. (Remember, I said it was all the truth so don't give me any crap that you think I'm wrong. We all think these things... I'm just brave enough to say it.) I don't really drink. I think it's a weak cure and temporary too. So instead I'm sitting here watching my own little marathon of 'Weeds'. I like the show, it's entertaining and very amusing. I don't really have any desire to talk to anyone today. I just want to sit in my apartment and dwell in my own self pity. To watch my shows and then eventually sleep.

Speaking of sleep... I haven't been sleeping so well. It's not that I'm not getting enough sleep, I am. It's the fact that I'm dreaming the weirdest dreams. I should write them down.. I always forget them as the day goes on. Perhaps that's why I hate today. My dreams must be trying so damn hard to tell me something. I know I'm stressed, but there isn't anything I can do immediately to solve it. So if my dreams are trying to tell me how to solve it, or just the fact that it needs to be solved... I guess they can just keep telling me.

My stress isn't just over work, it's over life. It's the fact that I have to at least 75% of the time put on a fake smile. Now don't get me wrong here... it's not that I'm an "unhappy" person or that I have some issues that may need therapy or drugs. It's just how it is. No one is happy all of the time and I'd be surprised if people are happy even 90% of the time. If they are, then the must have some wonderful lives. They should share... seriously. I don't believe in taking drugs just to be able to deal with life. If you need drugs to do that, then you truly are the weakest link. If it was as nature is, you'd probably have been dead by now or never born. (Hey, telling it as it is.) Besides, most of those kind of people are Americans and most of those Americans don't have good diets. Poor nutrition does effect the way the brain and body functions which in turn creates the way you feel. No, my hatred of today has nothing to do with that. I took my iron and I ate well today. For once. I'm as much as I hate to admit it, I'm just like most of those Americans and don't eat well enough and I sure as hell don't get enough exercise.

I'm negative you say? Hell yes. Care to know why? Too bad, you're gonna be told anyway. The reason is simple and 100% true. The world.